If you are young (or old) and reading this and you haven’t developed a repertoire of swear words, let me tell you right now – DON’T START! Cursing is something I struggle with constantly and it is something that I know is displeasing to God. If you’ve read my mission, anything I’ve written or my About Me sections, I would hope by now you would have gathered that I am a Believer. I struggle with my runaway mouth every single day. I’d like to quit cursing but nothing has worked so far. I worry that maybe my mouth is something that hinders my testimony and I certainly do not want to be a stumbling block to any fellow Believers.
Why do I even struggle with this? I don’t curse when I’m in church or in certain company so I know deep down there must be something that I can harness to reel in this problem I have but I can’t seem to pinpoint what or why this particular problem is so hard to correct. I remember first swearing when I was probably in second grade. My parents obviously didn’t know anything about it and I was careful to never swear in front of them and it just turned into the way I talk as I grew up and got out on my own. I was around boys and sports all the time which further engrained this way of speaking and then married someone who worked in the oilfield (if you think sailors can curse, you’ve never been around a driller who’s dealing with a green hand). I still watch sports and if I get excited or mad, you can bet you’re going to hear my loud mouth exclaiming some profane phrase either cheering or jeering whatever is happening. Now if you are also someone who swears, please don’t mistake my own convictions for judgments against you. And Lord forgive me when I get angry, it is like a flood of filth. AWFUL.
I know that as a Believer, my sins are also covered by the precious blood of Christ but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to be truly repentant and turn away from this sin. I’ve tried to stop (or at least reduce) listening to music with swear words. I did this a couple of years ago primarily because of my kids because I don’t want them to struggle with the same things I struggle with. I’m that Mom that won’t let them watch or even listen to certain movies or shows and I actually cancelled our television subscription since most of what I want to watch is available online and what we were paying for was garbage anyway. And as I result, I watch fewer shows and movies with cursing and rarely listen to anything other than Christian music. But then here I am dropping the F bomb like there’s no tomorrow, completely undermining anything I’m doing to try and dissuade my kids from doing what I do. So frustrating.
The music thing was a struggle for me for a LONG time. My Mom was a song leader at church and we have very different tastes in music. She likes Sandi Patty, Michael W. Smith, and Amy Grant and while they are all very talented artists, they’re just not my cup of tea. I like rock, rap, and pretty much everything else you can think of aside from Gaither-style music and didn’t discover Christian artists who I really enjoyed listening to until I discovered Air1 and artists like Lecrae, NF, TobyMac, and The Lower Lights. It is a breath of fresh air in the mornings and afternoons on my way to and from work to listen to music that is real, raw and deals directly with issues I’m struggling with in my own walk or just is singing praise to God. Music is tremendously important to me and whatever my mood I want to be able to pop in my headphones and crank the volume.
The only positive thing that I have found about my foul mouth is the fact that it does make me more approachable to people who I might otherwise never interact with. People hear me cutting up and can instantly tell I’m pretty down to earth just because of the way I talk. I am very blunt (sometimes to a fault) but I think to many there is something refreshing about that level of honesty. Folks know with me, what you see is what you get. I am not someone who airs her dirty laundry but I’m also not afraid to admit that I am a sinner saved by grace and share my struggles with anyone who is interested in listening or just lend an ear to anyone who is struggling. Knowing that I curse seems to make it easier for those you wouldn’t expect to open up to be more open with me which is a blessing. Some of the best friends I have came from watching a fight at a local bar, checking out a game with friends and family or from my interactions with those I’ve worked with over the years. I feel like people can fairly quickly tell with me I don’t have time or patience for anything but being real and it opens up this whole new line of communication that I am not sure would otherwise be open. I am not trying to justify my sin, I’m simply pointing out that what the world intends for harm, God can use for good and that to me is a miracle in and of itself, don’t you think?
So back to my ongoing struggle with swearing; if you ever hear me cursing, please forgive me. I am working on it and I hope that it will not become a stumbling block for you. I am a sinner and I’m still working every day on growing closer to Him and aligning my will with His Will. I also ask for your prayers and suggestions (please be kind) on how to deal with and fix this issue. Do you struggle with anything like this and if you do, how do you deal with it?